HeavyBob MetalPants
by squidflakes
Summary: SpongeBob and the gang get a "Do it Yourself Heavy Metal Band Kit". Will they win the Bikini Bottom Battle of the Bands?


SpongeBob and Patrick were sitting in the pineapple one day watching TV, when suddenly, loud, pumping, grinding music blared from the speakers.  
  
"Do you want to be famous!" a fish screamed from the TV. "Do you want to have tons of friends and get all the girls?"  
  
SpongeBob and Patrick stared, wide-eyed at the images of grinning fish relaxing in huge hot tubs and toasting with glasses in their hands, and girls all around them.  
  
"Do you want to be a huge star and make millions of dollars?"  
  
With eyes even wider, and mouths hanging open, SpongeBob and Patrick leaned closer and closer to the TV.  
  
"Do you want to write the songs that make people sing? Do you want to really rock out and be the coolest people in your town?" SpongeBob and Patrick nodded vigorously as a group of fish with guitars jumped around and sang.  
  
"Then start your own heavy metal band!" The TV fish yelled, foaming at the mouth. "Call right now! We'll send you all you need to start the rocking- ist, rolling-ist, heaviest, heavy metal band around!"  
  
SpongeBob and Patrick surged for the phone and tumbled and tripped over the couch, the chair, and Gary. Finally, they got the phone, and dialed the number on the TV.  
  
"Yes." Said SpongeBob into the phone "I'd like to start a heavy metal band please. Uh huh… that's right, the pineapple. Thank you!"  
  
"Didja get it? Didja get it?" Patrick said and he bobbed excitedly around.  
  
"Of course. They said to expect it in three to six weeks." SpongeBob said smugly, rubbing his fingernails on his shirt.  
  
Three to six weeks latter, SpongeBob, Patrick, Sandy, and Gary were all standing outside SpongeBob's pineapple, waiting for the heavy metal band kit.  
  
"Oh boy! I want to play the drums SpongeBob, can I play the drums?" Asked Patrick.  
  
"Ok!" Said SpongeBob, his hands clenched in excitement.  
  
Suddenly, a large boat pulled up in front of the pineapple, and a fish in a brown uniform jumped out.  
  
"I have one heavy metal band kit for a Mr. SpongeBob SquarePants. Sign here please." The fish said, and handed SpongeBob a stack of papers. "Where do you want it?"  
  
"Right here please." SpongeBob said, pointing at the ground.  
  
The fish opened the back of a large container on the boat, reached in, and pulled out a jumble of boxes which he dumped right on top of Patrick. He then jumped back in his truck and putted off.  
  
The boxes were moved into SpongeBob's house, and were soon unpacked. SpongeBob stood there with black and white make-up smeared all over his face and a huge guitar in the shape of a jellyfish slug in front of him. Patrick sat at a drum kit wearing a leather jacket with studs and bright shiny metal buckles, and a pair of sunglasses. Sandy was standing next to SpongeBob wearing a black skin-tight underwater suit and bass guitar slug down, almost to her knees. Her tail was done in multi-colored spikes of fur. Gary was sitting on the keys of a synthesizer wearing a large gold medallion on a chain that read "SNAIL".  
  
"Ok." SpongeBob said, holding a piece of folded paper. "The directions say, after we're all dressed up, we turn the amplifiers up to 11 and then we rock out."  
  
"Well, I'm all ready to go." Said Sandy.  
  
"Me too SpongeBob!" cried Patrick.  
  
"Meow." Said Gary.  
  
SpongeBob held a guitar pick high up above his head. The tip gleamed, and he brought it down on the strings of the guitar. The amplifiers wailed and a shockwave of sound blew the top of SpongeBob's pineapple right off.  
  
"Waaaaaa! Waa! Waaa! Waaaaaaaa!" SpongeBob sang.  
  
Next door, Squidward was jolted out of sleep by the solid wall of noise coming from the pineapple. His eyes snapped open, and he sat bolt upright in bed, his nightcap shot up to the ceiling, but the force of the loud, sponge driven music blew him and his nightcap off the bed and on to the floor. With tentacles firmly clamped over his ears, Squidward marched down his steps and beat on SpongeBob's door as hard as he could.  
  
"Turn that down!" he yelled, but his voice was lost in the clamor. "SpongeBob! Turn that down!"  
  
Just as Squidward was about to kick the door open, the entire side of SpongeBob's pineapple fell over, squishing Squidward. Just then, the music stopped.  
  
"Wow SpongeBob, that shore is loud!" Sandy said.  
  
"What?" replied SpongeBob?  
  
"I said we're pretty loud." Sandy yelled.  
  
"What crowd!" SpongeBob yelled back.  
  
"SpongeBob! Look at your house." Cried Patrick.  
  
"Don't be silly Patrick, I've never owned a mouse." Yelled SpongeBob.  
  
"No!" Patrick yelled, pointing. "Your House!"  
  
"Hang on." Said SpongeBob as he pulled a pair of large earplugs from his ears. "Wow, we sure were loud. And look at my house."  
  
A knocking sound came from the door, and SpongeBob bent over to open it. Squidward was lying there, bruised, and covered in pineapple juice. He groaned and stood up in the doorframe.  
  
"Hi Squidward! So, what did you think of our music?"  
  
"Music? Was that what that was? I'm sorry SpongeBob, I thought you were torturing musical instruments. Now, can you please keep it down, I need my beauty sleep." And with that, Squidward plodded back to his house and slammed the door.  
  
"Well, I thought we did pretty good SpongeBob." Said Patrick.  
  
"Yea, all we need is some practice, and a really good name, and we could be a great band." Said Sandy. "How about, Squirrel Out of Texas?"  
  
"Hummm." SpongeBob pondered. "That's ok, but how about Sponges in the Mist?"  
  
"I like Patrick and the Stars!" Cried Patrick.  
  
"Meow" Said Gary.  
  
"Gary! That's brilliant!" Said SpongeBob. "We'll call ourselves Meow!"  
  
"So ze band practiced and practiced." Said Ze French Announcer. "They played their music until late at night, and they blew ze tops of many of ze pineapples. For weeks and weeks zey kept Mistar Squeedward awake, until one day."  
  
"We have a concert!" Yelled SpongeBob.  
  
"A concert? Where?" Said Patrick.  
  
"It says here that we've been invited to play at the 15th annual Bikini Bottom Battle of the Bands." Said SpongeBob, reading the letter he had gotten in the mail. "If we win, there is a prize of one thousand dollars!"  
  
"Woooo hooo! One thousand dollars! Do you know what we could do with that SpongeBob? We could buy two thousand ice cream sandwiches. We could buy all the Krabby Patties in the world!" Patrick laughed. "I know, I know, we could buy every piece of bubblegum in all of Bikini Bottom!"  
  
"That sounds like a great idea Patrick, but we still have to win. Quick! To the Battle of the Bands!" SpongeBob yelled.  
  
Soon SpongeBob and his band were standing on the stage at the Bikini Bottom Underwater Theater. Thousands of screaming groupers were jumping around excitedly in the crowd.  
  
"Hello Bikini Bottom!" SpongeBob yelled into the microphone. "Umm. Are you ready to rock?"  
  
"YES!" roared the crowd.  
  
"I said are you ready to ROCK?"  
  
Everyone in the crowd looked around, there was murmuring, some conversation, then suddenly, a decision was reached, and the crowd shouted, "YES!!!"  
  
With that, SpongeBob lifted his guitar pick high in the air and brought it down on his guitar strings. Patrick beat out the rhythm on his drums, Sandy bridged the melody on her bass, and Gary made the best sounds a snail can make on his keyboard. The music was deafening. The entire crowd was screaming for SpongeBob to stop, but he wouldn't.  
  
"Waaaaa wa wa wa wa wa wa waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa." Screamed SpongeBob into the mic.  
  
"Jeez! Somebody turn this guy off." A fish said.  
  
A shaking fin stretched towards a giant red "OFF" button and pressed it. The speakers went dead, and SpongeBob and the band were standing there, flat-footed staring at the crowd.  
  
"You suck!" screamed a lobster.  
  
"Boooooooo" yelled the crowd.  
  
"I guess we didn't rock that well." SpongeBob said to his band mates, crestfallen.  
  
"It's ok SpongeBob, we probably just weren't cut out to be big rock and roll stars anyway." Said Sandy. "We gave it our best shot and that's all that counts."  
  
"I guess you're right. So, who wants ice cream?"  
  
"I do!" yelled Patrick.  
  
"Meow" said Gary, as they walked off the stage.  
  
A moument latter, a group of four young fish got up on stage. They picked up the instruments, and looked at each other.  
  
"Umm.. Hi Bikini Bottom… Are you ready to rock?" 


End file.
